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║today my way║


If I was a single man and wanted to plunge into seeing whoever I dared in such a way we imagine folk do, keeping up with my adventures would prove impossible. I know what I'm saying as I behave just so... in befriending a new person. Some friendships are formed naturally and nobody truly remembers who waved first or who was in charge of selecting peak time activity like the best coffee in the most crowded sitting area. As adults we just pick up the first, least embarrassing option to act as boldly and confidently as sweating palms let us and trust that the choice was right. But it's not the choice of local bench or size of latte we should discuss -- how do you know that this typical individual is perfect for a snack out while also your meal will be a surprise? That's why new friendships rarely come about in our 30s. Clueless how to begin a conversation - to joke or throw a heartfelt story one afternoon wouldn't contain its culminating point? This is really a ride for the bravest.

I met this woman while putting entirety of Nadia's pre-loved clothes on sale. She responded to an add in anticipation to release us from years and years of once promising bundle of fabrics for a future baby girl. Shorter than me with dark hair and pleasant appearance stayed a little longer than rummaging through vibrant colours and exchanging money would take. On her way out (still chatting up overly optimistically) I skipped every element of formality and just let this thing come out of my mouth to my slight silent disbelief. I actually asked her if she would want to come over for coffee (or latte or a slice of whatever is nearly going bad in my pantry) after my baby is born. It might be kind of dangerous to let things like that slip out of my mouth so easily but I could let that bother me or outline our first meeting in tiniest details instead (our daughters could play together while we'll catch up on our last fifteen years of life). She was as eager to see me as I thought she would be. We didn't exchange telephone numbers but we know where to find each other. And later that day after asking her if her girls liked what she got them as there's no such thing as having too many girlie stuff -- she offered to come at the end of the week to bring me a basket of fresh, hand-picked strawberries as an act of gratefulness. And believe me, those innocent strawberries once put at the counter level were the sweetest, the most carefully picked and placed for us to devour. They were gone before I could even blink. I am thankful for such small acts of human kindness I could barely have a dry eye. I'm so looking forward to get to know her or just run into her friendly face on the street. Head still spinning ;)

And to end this story as sentimental as I have intended it to be - I'm constantly on a lookout for people to bring as much joy to my life as I could offer to theirs. Simple 'hello' and 'how nice your distressed pair of mommy jeans are' work magic. And with my baby boy soon craving company of his age, I can see so many possibilities in meeting mums and their bunches of joy to our heart's content and expanding snack drawer.

Dress, Long sleeve top: Atmosphere, Bomber jacket: Next, Ballerinas: H&M
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Waiting - I've just realized - can be a blessing, I think I'm allowed to type. While I have been feeling all sorts of emotions lately, the nervous anticipation of what kind of labour I will go through is what exactly I haven't thought of. Being late to taking first deep breath, my baby boy is letting me take advantage of a rainbow of feelings due to my embarrassing impatience (with some amount of frustration appearing once in a way) that labour rarely crosses my mind. Awesome, right? I'd rather visualize first milky breaths and toothless yawns, put our first trips to the beach in the centre of my mind naturally avoiding images consisting of a birthing pool, hospital bed and the Entonox machine I used before with such ease and no spectacular results. The overload of what's here and now helps me to avoid drilling into unanswerable questions, fear and possible complications. I prefer to look beyond noticing the little things like my grey roots I will not have a chance to tackle straight away or nail varnish that is getting bothersome by the day.

 Just this morning all my vivid visions conceived in a hazy insomniac state were nothing but tons of images of a sweet tiny body clung to my milky breasts and soft slip worn under as opposite to midwives scurrying around in panic. Just snuggling, connecting, feeling blessed.

If energy permits I'll end the day with some fresh pineapple as everybody kindly suggests and maybe this well-known natural way of speeding up labour will bring our precious boy home. x

Dress: Atmosphere, Trench: La Redoute, Handbag: H&M, Ballerinas: George
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At a silly young age four kids was the number I'd enforce on any man with a serious dating attitude. Two boys and two princesses or three little mermaids and a sailor. My mind was made up. I might not have realized it at a time but following this dream hasn't gone through filters like the right time, right age or simply right mindset to raise this bunch. Now into my more mature self, I look back and breathe heavily. How easy is it to throw ideas in the air while you're young and not yet in love? To have everything figured out on your 17th birthday, together with the salary, first car and names of your offspring? What a confidence in the future self, what a well written plan. Whether it has something to do with age or compromises adulthood is never short of -- those vulnerable, familiar ideas tend to shift from loud and proud to altered phrase of creating balance between the young self's vision and the one's that's in the picture now although I love both in a weird way. Four shrinks to two while those fabulous names once dear to your heart, well... you may never look at them the same way again.

So what about the expectations of a fairytale life? They're beautiful and wroth pursuing yet... trying to achieve it and much more in late 30s is different to what could have been a decade ago if only universe would have aligned perfectly. If babies never came once one was ready, how to transition the need elsewhere not getting trapped in the impossible dream? In this dream motherhood is beautiful and there are no rules but many options to choose from to feel completely happy and magical. What a great dream to hold dear and tight within one's heart. Yet, what if a woman happens to be in her 40s and beyond, full of hope and faith because one shouldn't give those up? Should she still consider herself breastfeeding one day or daydream of a perfect labour pain relief option? When holding onto a dream becomes merely an echo tucked deep down it almost loses its meaning?

I knew I would have not chosen to be pregnant beyond 35th birthday. I could have still debated and maybe sat on the fence for a month or two but my decision would have proved the latter. Realizing numbers on a birthday cake coming faster each year, I knew I had to make this choice - now or never. Knowing my body and its limitations, my habits and routines, I went for it. Now, before hitting the big 35. Everybody is different, everybody knows their own boundries and it's so uplifting to learn yet, where does one draw the line? How do you know you still have a while to go before locking the door for good? Is 35th birthday a good deadline? What if yours is pushed a few years on and still works? I don't know. And I shouldn't really as I'm only in charge of my life, mysterious in its making but truly mine. We all need to assess our own capabilities to grow a family in our own hearts and minds. Anyway happy families don't overly calculate, do they?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on late motherhood if you happen to feel like telling me your story. x

Dress: Atmosphere, Shirt: E S P R I T, Tights: Vertbaudet, Pumps: H&M
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Not long time ago and definitely by accident I've noticed a pattern to some of my photos. Whenever I get the chance to roam further than my doorstep, looking down at my feet seems to have become a habit. There's so much happening down below, it never cease to impress me so pointing my camera that way makes sense. I've gathered here most recent feet images as well as those when socks and warm boots were more than appropriate. And to clarify - it's not about the footwear (mostly used up and worn excitedly for years) but what it stomps on -- beauty of nature and human craftsmanship. I wander a lot so my paths are considered the artwork I take notice of constantly. I may not see you walking past on the street (overwhelmingly deep in thoughts) but I'll definitely notice what you've dropped. So... my feet and a bunch of pretty things that stop me in my daily tracks.

Walking around fallen wisteria petals in Kingston Maurward Gardens


Discovering new friends on daily walks to town



Quietness of space that embodies happiness and peace - on a trip to Poland

Sun, sand and lots of annoying pebbles is among my best experiences
Finding miracles on my routes and leaving them intact
Adding chic and fun to otherwise monochrome background


When the garden tries so hard but it's not its time yet


 And in answering your questions about the baby, the current and most exciting -- I'm keeping myself occupied with household activities (re-planting edibles, maximizing space and catching up on relaxing read), long walks (nowhere too specific) and vivid dreams about my little boy soon pleasantly falling asleep in my arms. I'm due in five days but it's so hard to tell when the actual day arrives and it keeps me slightly anxious. Will it happen on our school run, while I'm driving? On a weekend or late at night? But all I can do is to take it as it comes, have everything ready and... just wait which is what I've been doing lately. Or it feels that way anyway. Happy new week, friends!

P.S. Inspiration for this post came from my dear friend who is just as crazy about taking photos of her feet as sharing them with others. Pretty great activity in my eyes ;)
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Weeks flow by as I'm feeling him moving and keeping me awake at night whenever he needs to stretch or roll. No day is completely smooth yet I await each morning in anticipation of him accompanying my every move and decision. I really came to love our lonesome days of chores, guilty pleasures and secrets only the two of us share.

Yesterday I was browsing through parenting websites and magazines I stock for quieter moments and came across an article featuring something called Third Trimester Feel Good Calendar. I believe each trimester could benefit from a lot of feel-good, self-love activities yet the last weeks of carrying extra sweet weight is an adventure this calendar could inevitably help out with. I think so anyway. I have customized it to suit my lifestyle and energy levels not forgetting little treats during days of things taking it longer than I would want them to. So, here's my life in the next five weeks or so, more participants welcome wholeheartedly.

     ►► Catching up on TV - been meaning to catch up on those old, loved films and series for ages - I'm thinking old Robin Hood, Friends, Labyrinth as well as late night Celebrity Juice with a dash of Babette's Feast for those overwhelming cravings. My reset button after a long eventful day.

►► Buying a nursing bra - how this could fit seamlessly a feel-good, self-love activity only expectant mother can understand. Totally fit for the purpose, soft and stretchy while still looking pretty. Sounds miraculous, no?

►► Making life simpler - this I could apply to my daily routine being pregnant or not, overall a genius idea. Stockpiling beauty products and toiletries I may not have on my mind for weeks to come will minimize extra shopping trips after the birth and with the summer round the corner there will be activities making more sense than rummaging through drug stores and make-up aisles.

►► Keeping (fairly) busy - like organizing closet, sorting out all the baby things, drafting birth announcements (and addressing the envelopes now since it is not yet considered a chore), cooking homemade dinners that can be frozen (my favourite green soup or chickpea patties, pancakes will do too). Little things that will matter much. I'm definitely drawn to lining pantry shelves with healthy (and less so) convenience food that could potentially save my life - soups, nuts to nib, dried fruit, whole grain crackers, canned essentials, fruit and veg, pasta and sauces, packets of crisps (they'll still work for a post feed snooze).

 ►► Making a home movie - recording silly moments and serious conversations leading up to a big day? I think I'll treasure it in years to come.

►► Being lazy - well, I've started a long time ago...

►► Having hair done - I'm looking at you fringe in need of trimming and roots raising my blood pressure with the lightest shade of gray. Diving deeper into this project is a must.

►► Getting a manicure - and a pedicure to have those flying in the air feet a delight to look at! My steady-handed and a perfectionist in nail art friend has already agreed to kneel down and treat my cuticles with vibrant colours. 
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Hi, how are you?

I'm Eli, an optimist in training collecting an awful lot of ballet pumps and spending too much time admiring the sea. You'll find me writing about the joys of parenting, fashion, simple pleasures that all together create a beautiful life. xx

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