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║today my way║























Once the wind calms down, clouds shift aside, getting a head-start in occupying the beach rarely happen. There are more crazy people out there who could call the shore their second home and we are not them. We still find ways to spot many incredible beaches though and we do take notes which ones will come to mind when we're done with cold and rain. But soon the surroundings will completely change for this little girl which is quite overwhelming to even think of - there will be forests, countryside roads, fruit gardens, towns full of stone, sandy paths and deep lakes - all to experience fondly within two weeks of summer holidays. I am on the other hand staying put with my little boy showing him bits of the seaside and bits of dry land. Our beloved slice of the world.

Summer holidays are important inspiration for the cold seasons ahead, even more important for Nadia to see her close family during this sweaty time. Every year I go to great lengths ensuring she has more opportunities to eat great food, speak only Polish, be as playful as grandmas will let her. I want the days to be slow and messy, I want to notice more freckles on her nose and no hesitation in running full force towards those who love her dearly. I want to see her watering plants only grandpa knows the names of, picking fresh produce and piling it by handfuls straight into her mouth, unwashed, sweet and delicious. I want her to spend too long smelling the rain and soil, walking distances between familiar places and those who are not, falling asleep so tired it delights. Every summer I want her to count days to boarding a plane, pack her backpack sometimes around May and choose the theme colour of summer dresses way before the websites announce the trends. I want to listen to her telling me what this time will be like even though every summer seems to be different from the last. From the moment she rises till the late hours of each spring - I want her to dream of Poland and carry those dreams with her way beyond the school gate. It's not negotiable, it's not a part of any discussion, the best thing I can possibly do for my children, for us as a family is to ensure that year after year they embrace the moments on a soil I know and cherish beyond comprehension. That they recognize their roots and faces of each and everyone I owe a lot more than just features, habits and fondest memories. And really Polish sun feels so good on our skin, trying to work through the dates and looking for cheap flights is just a formality - every year, after school closes for its annual break in educating. It's all adding up to creating memories and that's why it's so important.

►► A girl in her element, swimwear optional


►► ... I'm on the other hand personifying big sea creatures occupying rocks and quiet nooks of sorts


Have a great day, friends!
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It's not one of those sunny, perfectly planned days although those pictures can fool. I'm still pregnant, exactly 4 days overdue according to my already faded memory as to my last period waddling back and forth and it affects my mood, my clothing choices, daily activities. But I'm OK for most parts, waiting is such a blessing if there is somebody or something to be awaited for. Yet my head spins too easily, too easily it absorbs all that I try to steer away from, at least for now.

I came here to tell you I am not ordinary. It will never be so when others win trying to mold me, squeeze me into space I could exist to their standards. I've been in tears for the past few hours, I smiled in between, managed to help Nadia create a pretty baby cot mobile to decorate her brother's cotbed not knowing where else to place my focus. My stubbornness is quiet and my ideas take time to materialize, so far it's been tolerable. I know I avoid terms and escape stereotypes, my heart races ten times in an hour alone, it cannot be tamed. Today I realized it can be a problem for others, the unpredictability, the unknown, this head floating high in the clouds when the world is hardly answering our basic, existential needs. By loud hints and clues (hence the tears) I was reminded life is better when it's predictable, calm and lacking surprises. Life is meant to be enjoyed in between work, paying taxes and swearing in road traffic. You'd better embrace it, baby.

I came here today to tell you I am different. I could never stop loving what I'm loving, don't ask me to postpone my heart in dressing up this life in the best of clothing. This heart will never settle on ordinary no matter how much simplicity and authenticity I crave. I am a rolling stone, untamed animal, I need to be doing things your best friend and your mama never did or thought of. I'm trying to look at things as opportunities, good challenges and if there's a lot of rain in it, I know there's also a lot of sun in it too. Obstacles are future joys especially while the fire in me is still alive.

If marriage has taught me anything, it's that love comes in different shades and we all have our own visions of an amazing life. Have I learned today my vision escapes the widely accepted and approved, that it creates chaos and plants disturbance? Holy llama, I guess I haven't followed so it caught it me off guard. And as this boy is firmly planning to keep me pregnant for at least another week I shouldn't be focused on such hard topics but restocking our snack pantry.

In closing -- we're only as interesting to ourselves and others as we are true to our own selves. I don't intend to change so don't even take the mold out of the cabinet. You see, I still haven't figured out the shape myself.
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Sun, good food and her last days of being an only child. I don't know this feeling when sharing is an option, I don't know life without company, my brother is only a year younger then me. When I look back I see mess I didn't necessarily make myself, I hear my name shouted loud in different tones, I recall mornings I woke up to a voice I will always recognize. And fights I was no stranger to almost daily. So when our every day will be so very different, I'm eager to witness Nadia transforming into somebody else, a big sister, companion and still a child that wants to play on her own, slow-paced, undisturbed for more than half the time. It will be a wonderful transition to witness yet one I'm not fully prepared for. Because what does one teach specifically about sharing, accepting and understanding after years of doing it occasionally and sometimes with a little more encouragement? I'm not so very worried about the sharing part too much though, Nadia is naturally kind and inclined to part with an object of interest almost willingly, what needs redefining is to maintain the space and pace that comes with it. Things will be removed, broken and crumpled. Things will disappear any hour of the day. She will not always be happy with it or accept it this way, she may act cool or totally opposite but I place trust in ourselves to figure it out as we go by.

We're about to introduce an element of the unknown to her. Well, all of us but mostly her. So far she's been totally into everything that comes with this change - talking about it and preparing for her brother's arrival gives her thrills. Her imagination bursts in ideas I could hardly think of the first time round, it feels so empowering knowing she's so in control. And maybe that's the answer to my worries and all? To leave her as much control over daily activities as reasonably possible so anything that shifts slightly aside be still fascinating and taste sweet without adding or taking too much away.

At times I want to freeze this time left to becoming a family of four, to savour her more and enjoy her presence to the silly brim. To shower her with attention not known to a child before. Yet I cannot wait to meet my little man, I refuse to postpone dreaming of those two turkeys meeting, getting to know each other and loving the way only siblings can.

Nadia is a sensitive girl with a big heart but sometimes she tries to cover her true feelings, heads to her bedroom and until I go after her to comfort, she'll be sat there overanalyzing her little worries. He may not understand it at first but walking after her trying to comfort her his way will always bring those two together. I am sure of that. I can picture Nadia smiling shyly then curling her feet on the bed to escape little hands trying to reach her, jumping away or helping him to the bed for some silly activity. It will be both awesome and overwhelming -- new life with a good deal of creative compromise and many opportunities to not take things too seriously. We are ready. x
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Not long time ago and definitely by accident I've noticed a pattern to some of my photos. Whenever I get the chance to roam further than my doorstep, looking down at my feet seems to have become a habit. There's so much happening down below, it never cease to impress me so pointing my camera that way makes sense. I've gathered here most recent feet images as well as those when socks and warm boots were more than appropriate. And to clarify - it's not about the footwear (mostly used up and worn excitedly for years) but what it stomps on -- beauty of nature and human craftsmanship. I wander a lot so my paths are considered the artwork I take notice of constantly. I may not see you walking past on the street (overwhelmingly deep in thoughts) but I'll definitely notice what you've dropped. So... my feet and a bunch of pretty things that stop me in my daily tracks.

Walking around fallen wisteria petals in Kingston Maurward Gardens


Discovering new friends on daily walks to town



Quietness of space that embodies happiness and peace - on a trip to Poland

Sun, sand and lots of annoying pebbles is among my best experiences
Finding miracles on my routes and leaving them intact
Adding chic and fun to otherwise monochrome background


When the garden tries so hard but it's not its time yet


 And in answering your questions about the baby, the current and most exciting -- I'm keeping myself occupied with household activities (re-planting edibles, maximizing space and catching up on relaxing read), long walks (nowhere too specific) and vivid dreams about my little boy soon pleasantly falling asleep in my arms. I'm due in five days but it's so hard to tell when the actual day arrives and it keeps me slightly anxious. Will it happen on our school run, while I'm driving? On a weekend or late at night? But all I can do is to take it as it comes, have everything ready and... just wait which is what I've been doing lately. Or it feels that way anyway. Happy new week, friends!

P.S. Inspiration for this post came from my dear friend who is just as crazy about taking photos of her feet as sharing them with others. Pretty great activity in my eyes ;)
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Dreaming of adventures and journeys far beyond our seaside
Standing there with every intention of satisfying each hungry belly
It's easy to be my friend - just hand me a smoothie, not even a straw required
Will we always have our walls sprinkled with hand made, home made wonders? As long as there are stories to tell, I'm not buying professional art.
Without needing a reason I plop down on the sofa with her any time we feel like it. And we do feel like it a lot.

Personally I'd add more plants to the current collection, for sentimental reasons (I don't want to watch them die) I'll stick to what's already thriving.
Games time is categorized here as a guilty pleasure but occasionally everyone has to show their loyalty to technology
Always staying on the curious, mischievous path.
I did not grow up loving plants but I came to love them since acquiring a decent sized windowsill and enough sunshine to live for 
Too much red shouldn't really work yet somehow it always does on her. Did I tell you Nadia's anything but ordinary?
A view that requires only a handful of crumbs and a calm heart to soak it in. A steaming cup of coffee would be great too!

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Right now the amount of things to do that I have envisioned in their physical form is simply overwhelming. Every aspect of our lives has been repeatedly revised and placed next to several different versions of a final, satisfied result. It has been tiring as it's been exciting. Right now the amount of decisions needing a solid, undivided attention varies from ten to hundred on any given day with my mind shifting between them willingly. But the true satisfaction is yet to achieve. You find me in my last trimester, the least energetic in body movements yet buzzing with ideas and celebrating the arrival of our son way ahead of time touching newborn clothes and softly polished wood of first toys. Forever my favourite part.

Our small shoe-box flat is not ready for his arrival, at least in my opinion that differs from my husband's but this feeling has been widely known as nesting instinct and I'm holding strong onto this term with unmanicured hands. Expecting through spring makes me overthink seriously everything that needs to be ready in coming weeks and not being able to resist the changes, the challenge seems too great to handle. This is something that no longer annoys me, planning instead of rolling sleeves and getting jobs done has to be considered as there must always be a good deal of organizational and researching tasks. It will if it becomes a routine but the time left to the big day pushes us without our will and I have faith it'll all be ready soon.




 There is a long list of things to tackle, thanks to my ambitious pregnant self in nesting mode. As the walls will not stretch miraculously giving us more space for furniture of a new purpose, a great time of research, studying and walking around the flat with a blank piece of paper consumed good part of the second trimester. On paper it looked as if I would not want to go out anymore, in reality I needed to be creative in finding things quietly dealing with finances and energy needed for it all. Simply said, thrifting, revamping, replacing and finding new purpose for things will take us there in weeks to come. Because this project definitely has a deadline yet if not tackled completely, I'm hopeful and ready to add or take away as the time progresses between feeds and evident routine changes. It's something if only partially finished -- can still make my heart flutter as home projects are never finished as such. Long term projects are therapeutic for me and if I can focus enough, miracles happen.

The magnolia walls sprinkled in gray damp marks and us have so much catching up to do you wouldn't believe. But the future is promising, I have found an organic company dedicated to removing signs of neglect causing all sorts of water condensation problems. Once this aspect has been covered, I want to jump into the arms of something unusual and never experienced under our roof before - among variations of wall paint colours I have been gravitating irrationally towards the dark bold side (thank you, Abigail!). There are so many different dark colours out there my mission may never be accomplished. Starting from gray, mocha and progressing into chocolate, taupe or even dark olive is the way I'm heading. Our flat is luckily a very bright place with sun hitting the walls since early morning on a great day until late evening when the summer rolls around. Neutral has seemed the best answer to this amount of light and sunny reflections on things we've had unintentionally, today in my nesting, waddling mode this no longer is an option.




 And as I'm guessing your question, yes we are renting so why bother? Why going through samples of colours, comparing prices and scheduling dry weather days for all of this? The best answer I can come up with is just telling you I always strive to be different. Not just for the sake of it, or because of defiance or stubbornness but this is something that has always grown in my heart, made me excited and pushed to do things my own way (hence the title of the blog, I suppose?). Whatever sparks an idea in my head has to go through a filter called 'how different and unique am I going to make it?' (filter still in patent pending mode). It happens with every single thing from breakfast, dressing up to interior design. I lack skills in many departments and that's OK but my unique skill in spicing things up is held intact: walking paths less travelled by, creating rather than buying to match our needs and inspire others'. It is me. I could maybe tell you I was compared to others a lot in my early childhood and teenage years always looking less desirable, behaving less appropriate and generally not being enough to match their accomplishments of sorts. It saddened me back then, alienated from my peers, today it's just a weakness of mine, a trait engraved in tears and short breath -- striving to be my own, go my own way, do my own thing in all the aspects that make life possible. Intentionally. Also because I'm tired of falling asleep to a ceiling covered in grey dots, marks and stains no matter how gray colour is close to my heart.

Many of it is a custom project requiring rolling of sleeves and sweating a ton but I'm eager to start, look for solutions with our own hands and pieces already in our possession.

This blog is also on my mind often in terms of revamping, giving you more insight in our day-to-day lives with some in-depth conversations sweeping a little those barely touching the surface of the subject articles and tutorials of sorts. Back in September when I found out I was expecting, the tiredness, the overwhelming feeling of life changing its course abruptly (pregnancy hormones causing a stir for sure) - the so called important and desired outcomes, the principles of life hit the floor with a bang. I haven't blogged for four months, I found internet or just sitting upright in front of a monitor annoyingly robbing me off of precious time, energy and mental clarity. I had thoughts of deleting the space once and for good, I grown tired of too many options and price ranges and simply reading about the same thing seasoned with only different words and filters left me dissatisfied. As a blogger I became frustrated by so many spaces focused on consuming and spending, on living life attached to clever but irritating devices. I needed a break. As you see I have come back, still haven't found a perfect way of expressing my new-found desire for simplicity and thoughtfulness, still in re-discovering myself mode but this is what I'm contemplating day and night these days. With a growing child by my side and another almost in my arms this subject like any other happens to keep me pulling rarely touched up hair at night.


 Back to interiors... it all shifts and merges, circles around each other and I'm hoping getting through these absolutely manic six weeks will prove my good intentions to be completed at the right time in our lives. With all of that said, I'm definitely not done with the topic of simplicity and attentiveness. I'm at the starting point of turning our lives into a better, more ethical existence while being busier and intimidated than ever. But somehow the more things I juggle, the happier I feel and days are considered a small but continuous success. I'd love you to be a part of it. x

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As for the pictures in this post, yes! you guessed it - we're finally in the 'rolling of sleeves and getting things done' mode at the moment. Rest is not an option when we're in the middle of moving things around and being unable to find a simple object. Among the tiring parts, this whole painting walls and moving furniture game seems to be a great fun for Nadia asking to help with everything and anything. I oblige immediately before she changes her mind, extra pair of helping hands is impossible to avoid right now ;) And after she's done, she's back to what's such a big staple in her life - holding a pen and creating magic with it. She did just so while Damian was sweating with the first coat of a chocolate chip paint. The colour didn't last long, we covered it with a lighter shade eventually letting it stay on two walls only. Dark is nice but it needs some getting used to. Stay tuned, I'll be posting more about how everything turned out, soon a little boy may be in the picture too ;)
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I'm Eli, an optimist in training collecting an awful lot of ballet pumps and spending too much time admiring the sea. You'll find me writing about the joys of parenting, fashion, simple pleasures that all together create a beautiful life. xx

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