║today my way║: family

Time for the favourite this season - lots of juicy, colourful appearance on our plate. I guess this rainbow of vitamins could easily be scattered into pretty porcelain bowls separately so that everyone would head for their own preferred snack but would that be fun? Not so much. So one Saturday when time slowed down for a bit I decided to surprise the bunch I call my family by attempting to create something different from simple ingredients eaten in abundance in a week. Everyone loves pizza, this time the beautiful weather called for lighter version of this delicious dish so I gathered familiar fruit varying in taste, hue and shape and after cutting it neatly all was placed on the round face of a slice of a watermelon. Every inch of pizza without heating up the oven!

Kids were in heaven waiting for something magical to appear on their plates and then eating it whole or piece by piece savouring each bit. It made my whole weekend. Hands were sticky and sweet, busy from piling handfuls of blueberries into their mouths. No slice or juicy chunk was ignored. And I guess, as much fun as I attempted to spread around I felt I had the most wonderful time myself. Seeing everybody excited and jumping at a chance to share my idea was something I'm itching to try more often this summer (with a squishy baby attached to my hip!). It's so easy to create an extraordinary thing out of plain and barely exciting. I'm pretty sure this pizza rocked without shame. x

►► See what I mean? Now most of their time spent in the backyard is made of snacking. Will I be thanked for that? ;)

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If you're reading this I most probably be entering the next chapter of our lives. In a white, long shirt-like nightie and without a lick of colour on my face (only from exhausted pushing) I'm most probably holding a baby I've impatiently awaited an arrival of. Maybe somewhere in my mind I'm rushing through to the first labour experience or too restless to sleep I'm wrapping myself tight in those exact sweet moments after the painful and already forgotten when all that matters is a tiny body held still semi-efficiently while learning new face features, smells and sounds savouring each crease of a body I've carried for this world. Button of a nose, soft cheeks rubbing my skin... short on words I'll stay tightly wrapped up in this moment of bliss and dream I have created.

I do have posts scheduled for those quiet, dreamy moments I will not be able to switch my computer on so do stick around for some fun and nice visuals. You're all incredible and I have so many stories to tell you, it's indeed an unthinkably exciting time. xx

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There's no better feeling than doing things for the first time. You have to agree and support me here. Nothing like finding every reason in trying something new, exciting and probably expensive to start with but trying nonetheless. There's also the next time. Already prepared for what's to come with never-fading enthusiasm, getting second chance is pure magic.

First times are reserved for the senses, the rationality feeds on repetitions. Becoming mum again pretty much feels like dusting off well known regions that need slight polishing. Excitement prevails, life gets moving, the chance of going through familiar and never forgotten once more beats anything sour I crave right now. Sometimes it allows for things to be reviewed and made better as I know where was the struggle and why. Now I can figure out what I really want to commit to that will provide us a lifetime of happiness. It may be more or simply less, necessities of course and definitely all the amazing things I've been doing with success ;) I have a list of such things almost stashed in my hospital bag - activities we were too tolerant with Nadia (oh, screen time, I want to see less of you) and routines that got skipped almost regularly. Those I'd like to put more effort in. There are also things I will replicate in tiniest detail because we've nailed them and who can say otherwise? Our routine will match our needs, this time with a good dose of thought based on what we've learned through the years of parenting which is a major perk I must add. And also a work in progress as every child is different and each one individually inspiring. Each one brings an abundance of joy and worry, their own energy.

My parenting style (if I could call it so) is mostly laid-back, plentiful in tolerant acceptance, discovering the human in a child to let it shine awesomely through. There's lots of freedom of choice and creative approach, there's fun and bedtime after 9pm. Allowing a child to be a child - with a stained fabric and messy hair, knees covered in bruises and mud. Licking dirty window on a bus stays too. Explaining things as they are, the birds and the bees truly and efficiently banned. Being familiar with own body and its changes, loving it the way it's shaped and known. A really kid-friendly parenting style, low fuss one may add. This time, the sweet second time I get the chance to read more books and decrease screen time, to cook more efficiently from scratch and go out to enjoy more fresh air. To introduce topics way before the teachers suggest them as homework.

And on the contrary to the title, there won't be next time, for us this is it. Boy and a girl, perfect harmony with a touch of the surreal to begin with. Happy day, friends!

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►► Nadia's creative spirit can be found literally everywhere around here - drawings attached to the fridge, stickers visibly looking down from mirrors and this yellow mobile made for her baby brother... isn't it the sweetest thing you've seen this spring morning? It's made of a star and a little boy in pants or nappy smiling encouragingly. As for her brother, completely unaware of the gifts he will be getting makes me immensely joyful. What else will she come up with next?

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I'm still moving around, happy and taken care of, a little bigger here and there, a little less predictable in last minute decorating decisions. I can see the progress in our small space, much love (and sweat) has been put into so many things I can't stop staring at in awe and relief. Loving every inch means getting closer to when I'm content wherever I'll look around. Or even sooner. With my due date approaching, some projects may be postponed until I'll learn to put socks on again. Who knows. But I'm hoping our boy is not ready just yet giving us enough time to make his home his little haven. And simplifying or slowing down is still not an option but will it ever be? (wallpapering and painting a couple of furniture this weekend is on the list of things not to be put off any longer).

It's easy for me to find inspiration in touching or looking through the drawers of excessive piles of newborn items, it's also a reminder to enjoy the moment. A little sleep deprived, struggling to balance and awaiting multiple paint and brush deliveries is actually a time I'm contently storing away in my head. I step back and let myself take the time before time will be the most sought after notion. So in between taking time and pausing contently I managed to pack my hospital bag including everything a little bear would need. Two bags actually. Mama bear is in the picture too ;)

Slightly related: For days when I want to look more pulled together I put some mascara on and swipe my cheeks with blush powder. On most days when more than dozen people will see me at the school gates... I don't really care that much. A cat eye each morning seems a task too great to handle and it will probably just melt off anyway on my flushed up face. But my hair is dyed and fringe trimmed, I need to show you my simple beauty routine soon. It's really simple, don't even take your pens and pads out, there will be nothing to note but you're free to try. Happy afternoon, friends! x

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Hey, we made it! We made it through the weekend! The paintbrushes are clean and put away, walls are drying beautifully, fifth laundry pile has been spinning in the washing machine as I type and milky coffee made it to my desk in a pretty mug so all is looking good. I even had a reasonably good night and Nadia woke up early and refreshed, ready to get the hang of adding and multiplying. Our flat still lingers in a state as if a family has just moved in, I try not to get tense about it but been trying to take note of things that still need tackling while focusing on my ridiculously blooming windowsill garden, that is what exactly matters at this time.

I come home every morning after dropping Nadia off to school, pour myself nice warm drink, browse the internet while the baby washing spins noisily in the background. I read on the sofa, tidy up the mess we made intentionally the day before, read some more. I crave still moments like these, to wind down, get a little lazy, talk to my baby boy in private. I crave lots of sour tastes too - plums, lemonade, fruit sorbets giving my body what it presently needs and plan on continuing to do so all summer long.

I bough first watermelon this year and we all devoured it wildly before and after dinner, it was that delicious. Occasionally while I run errands, I walk about slowly among aisles of baby products and imagine what would make days prettier, not necessarily being practical or essential. But we've already stocked on everything a tiny person can need and more -- blue, corn yellow and cloudy grey so he can start each day knowing he's well looked after.

And unpredictably, I have become an early riser not finding it sweet anymore to linger among sheets longer than for what my idea of heaven is. Then in quiet hushed footsteps I tend to move things around, water the plants and wait for the rest of the household to greet with wet kisses. What a beautiful season in my life.

But now - hanging the laundry to dry is a pleasant priority. Have a great week, friends! x

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I haven't answered that many 'how are you?' and 'how are you doing?' questions in my entire life as this past few months. Everyone wants to know how I/we are coping, how things get turned around from completely unplanned to definitely working. It's sweet, it's intimidating, it's just a part of life we're temporarily in. For the most part, I feel we've been in control. Generally on top of things. For some parts destiny's gentle hand was far off and barely seen from a short distance. It ranged from dealing with a whirlwind of emotions, powerful hormones and fast reactions, doubts about the future and the state of our present, finances and energy to handle it well. If done correctly, it's just a phrase in life - overwhelming and potentially never-ending but we all know that nothing lingers for long. Especially the bad as there is so much good to relish and continues to be if noticed and cherished daily. We got accustomed to harder times like bees fly around to expand their territory to forage for food in periods of climate change or loss of natural habitat. And we're busy as them too.

They say (who are they, anyway?) there's never right time to become a parent, that we're never ready to juggle more things than humanly possible. I say, we're always ready to love. I say, we're always ready to give encouragement and hope, that our hearts are never full enough not to fill them up with the best of feelings. And when are we going to be ready if not now? Today, here, at present? Yesterday faded away far too quickly, tomorrow may never come but each breath and blink makes us fully aware of the space we have to fill in great detail NOW. Once a decision is made, a certain vision is tightly affixed to it and one thinks nothing will ever be possible to see it in a different light. Even though time flies and changes perspectives, shifts moods, moves mountains, creates miracles. Or all of them at once.

How I am? How I am doing? I can see a little more clearly everyday what's ahead of us in getting through to the other side. The side of an established routine, enough money coming in each month, relived stress, energy restored miraculously and shared in abundance. The side where sense of having it under a total control is regained. But... how unrealistic does it sound? How optimistic yet surreal? As if having control was ever possible. As if getting it back in order was ever achievable. I say, let's enjoy this moment in time. The good, the bad and the ugly. Not always joyful, more times through tears and speechless gasps, it's a way too.

I'm fine, I'm good, we're getting through. I appreciate your well wishes and concerned looks, I'm grateful for your offerings and feel no need for stopping accepting it. You know who you are - giving me a lift, supporting our budget, picking up Nadia from school, I plan our whole existence around your kindness. Thank you.

And although Damian may be adding his unwanted five pence to the whirlwind of the last 35 weeks making me consider committing a crime at least once daily, he's also been the biggest support with his mind totally fixed on wellbeing of our small tribe. I am a demanding tenant and him trying to cope with everything these days is beyond my comprehension. Taking time to breathe through it he's rarely allowed, there are endless tasks rapidly expanding if not handled on time. He's who I was exactly looking for, I hope I'm still the one he wants to keep discovering. In good and bad, sickness and health, till death do us part... and our bank account regains its strength.

We're getting through.

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