║today my way║: April 2014

"YOU WILL NEVER REMEMBER THE NIGHTS THAT YOU HAD FULL NIGHT OF SLEEP"

This face every morning and more than once before finally falling asleep, recognized from each angle and by every smile or frown is enough I could live with for eternity. Starved for a hug? There she is running frantically towards me. Does she love being around messy crazy playground? You bet! Is she in love with her cousins? Like always. So will she enjoy the transition from a smooth slide onto a steeper surface? Reception class in a primary school welcoming her curious heart, mind and pockets full of Kinder Surprise toys this September? Not that it won't happen again in the future, not that new beginnings won't occur quicker than I remember to jot them down but this thing called life seems to be in a terrible hurry making me more alert with each moment. To protect her from everything is impossible and I'll learn along the way how to let her stay confident and happy while facing the challenges that she is sure to come across in her life. The sense of stability and familiarity will mean something new yet talked about and it seems like it's me again kind of scared, kind of thrilled because I can't make up my mind. For new friendships and discoveries, hysterical moments of achieving things that were completely outside her zone for a long time like learning to write names of everyone in our family. I'm so full of soft worry because of variety of things she'll need to find solutions to on her very own. Or with a helping hand or advice from others. That puts me at ease... for now.

Nadia wasn't offered the school we preferred as apparently it was outside our catchment area and a little too far from where we live so the search for a placement continues. Equipped with a list of recommendations and Ofsted reports I am pleased to tell you we have visited (and put Nadia's name down) a school that I don't think it's ever possible a child wouldn't like. Only a year old and schooling about 70 pupils in total (but quickly expanding) got our hearts racing with excitement for what could lie ahead within walls that tell a story just about everything. Nadia loved the vibe, colourful rooms of so many things going on at the same time however this was not a school her cousin Chase has been attending. This is why she hasn't talked much but told me later she would look forward to visiting it next time. I couldn't feel happier. Will it be the time of collecting her navy blue uniform? I refuse to think otherwise.

I haven't exhausted the topic, will I ever? Coming from here, saying a little bit there makes this journey through familiar and unknown a neverending battle of soul. I'm going to allow Nadia to grow in strength with my support, encouragement and anticipation. But there's a point to this story: you'll never remember days spent in a blissful haze nor you will remember the nights that you had full night of sleep. Instead your heart will take notes of life less organized and predictable but complete with all sizes and variations of fun, creativity, kisses upon kisses the minute you want them. x

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WILDERNESS FILLED WITH LAUGHTER AND TOO MUCH DRIED FRUIT

Whenever my foot is placed on top of the cliffs of Swanage I always feel I dabble into uncharted waters no matter how many times I was presented with a breathtaking view. I've seen it in the winter, searched for the spring always late in this side of the globe, roasted in a summer sun on the open space. It was no surprise that we wanted to spend a little time over Easter around here - no rain, not too many visitors and nothing but sun. There are only a handful of days like that in the spring over here, letting them go to waste is a crime. We packed easy to eat snacks, easy to dump scooters as legs give you more options when you're three and beyond and enjoyed the possibilities of a family picnic-style get together. Here is a dose of colour in jpg format that hit us above and beyond with the calm sea as the background. If I could send you a postcard it would look like one of the photos taken on the day. Or just the whole set posted every day of the week.

I don't think I would have changed anything about today. Even the funny mishaps we had throughout like Nadia falling flat on her face while running down the hill or leaving us parents with all the wheels that were no longer needed made the adventure more real. We wouldn't mind living in Swanage again, I never felt so detached from distractions than living here, not to mention working full time. Four years on, a little girl on board and a move back to where it all started? Idea too cool to pass up. xx

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This is how our Easter started this year - not with eggs or hunting down the cheerful bunny's tail but with making an Easter bonnet still in our pajamas. Yep, we do pay attention to what feels most comfortable to us. So our bunny was a girl with a bow on her ear (we used the fluffy fabric from broken earmuffs), silver whiskers and pink nose and tail (not pictured but wiggling ferociously). I'd rarely talk myself into early morning projects playing it safe with a mug of decaffeinated green tea in hand but if not totally sure whether we can manage to achieve something or not, we have to try it. Nadia thought we did well, the hat fits and it's a mix of all the things we've collected over time and finally used. And then we explored the cliffs, played as kids with the kids ate nuts and sun-dried banana. You don't have to be there to love it just as much as we do. Happy Easter, friends! x

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HOPE IN THINGS THAT WE HAVE SO MUCH BUSINESS FEELING HOPE IN

At this point we're still trying to befriend the sea and somehow make it aware we've been hesitantly waiting for the right moment to present our slightly old swimming gear to the sunbathing world. When it comes to good weather at this latitude, it needs all the motivation it can get. So what are we up to when the day is less dire and shady? We say quick and enthusiastic yes to the area we're most familiar with for the time the sun's out and undistracted and keep on doing it until it understands that things will get pretty serious once we've run out of fun with more layers than appropriate on the sand. I'm in a good company of a girl who agrees on an opinion that if there's water you go for the obvious first. x

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From top to bottom: chickpea patties with red salsa, green protein smoothie bowl (spinach, banana, mango, oats and nuts), chocolate truffles, apple cinnamon barley porridge

I hope you're hungry or just looking for a snack covered in cocoa powder and tasting like heaven. Yep, I've got it ready and contemplating making a new batch for this week's sweet-tooth hour. You can never overdose on it. I don't know where to start apart from telling you that it's happening and I'm in a cinnamon-induced fumes awe. Shredding, slicing, pulsing has become an important part of the day and even if done according to the book I still have my humble say - skip a veg or add something that works for me. I've hardly kept leftovers in the past - what's made today has to be digested today was my unrealistic mantra. Maybe it came from lack of the appropriate knowledge of how to store cooked food or simply my taste buds were kept interested elsewhere but now I am a fan of storing, freezing and recreating a meal with a minimum of mess. Small steps to embrace cold insides of my fridge. I'm not a huge meat eater, I said it before and hold on to it with fingers smeared in sun-dried tomato paste - surprising and overwhelming it is how mostly each and every recipe I try to tame from a pdf guide 'Mise En Place' speaks right to my guts. Broccoli and spinach soup? Could eat it on every occasion. Most breakfast oats and barley combinations artfully arranged or not keep me satisfied until late lunch and that green protein smoothie bowl topped with nuts is my number one in terms of healthy and satisfying. As for the guide I'll tell you more about it and its wonderful creator very soon, I might even start preparing the draft already.

Finding organic around here is hard, I don't drive but shop around like crazy and if spot something that adds value to my china, I'll grab it right up. It's the beginning and I know I haven't found my voice in vegan kitchen yet. I'll make what's right if I like it or not, if I know it or not (chickpea patties are on my 'try again later' list regardless of that fascinating shot of colour in salsa that came with it). I train my tongue, memorize portions and sizing focusing on label reading. And sugar? Processed carbohydrates found in most everyday products? A week of eating differently I can truly see the effect sugar has had on me - mood swings, sluggishness, feeling tired all day long. Yes, I have experienced a little mood changes but blame it on not making the most of leafy veg full to the brim of vitamin B.

Ha! Before I jumped on the organic wagon, I had to clear my pantry form what shouldn't peek out of the cabinets at all. Yes, a few friends of mine had a free snack supply so it feels great things were sorted pretty quickly (pictures of unsuitable things above and a picture of a den of deliciousness below). The den, Earth Foods has surprised me positively - is there a product they don't sell? It must have been an omission. Amazed with the rustic vibe of the store, shelves upon shelves of flavour and fragrance, fresh or canned, my eyes had a ball. I wandered amused like a kid in a candy store whispering all the strange names I was presented with - agave nectar, goji berries, kale chips. Picture Harry Potter entering Ollivander's Wand Shop and you'll know what a narrow and shabby in its beauty place I'm talking about. I spent a good hour there peeking between rows of jars and shifting packets of dry ingredients. I had a little chat with the owners, smelled a few brought up to my nose products and fell in love with it all immediately. They'll have to remove me forcibly from the place next time. But I'll be back, more curious than ever. x

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IT'S TERRIBLY EXCITING NO MATTER HOW STRESSFUL ;)

Jumper: Atmosphere, Boyfriend jeans: Primark, Wedges: H&M

When not occupied physically I'm busy analyzing, taking notes, sharing ideas of all and any kind. They turn to projects eventually but before I think to myself that I've walked a tremendous distance, the beginning of them come alive it's hard if not the hardest. At the moment I am being polite to all the instructions and new routines, every task that takes longer than necessary. It's annoying but it is joyous too. For the past couple of days I've been running this kitchen with my own chunks of organic apples and nutritional yeast and I can't wait to show you the results of my vegan attempts. Sometimes I feel I'm not near neither far but as long as it keeps boiling and simmering, I feel great. I've moved the beast. Life altering attempt, a pretty ridiculous but oh so delicious way to learn self-discipline, create routine, challenge my habits. Our kitchen isn't enormous, not even an average size, falls easily into a tiny category and hosting two avid food handlers can be more than exciting at times. But we get along, lend each other a spoon, stir each other's dishes when the stirring is due. This has been a weird and wonderful week and much of it smelled of cinnamon. Lots of it. Anyway, unrelated outfit photos to prove that kitchen hasn't swallowed me up yet. Happy day folks! xx

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I'm showing Nadia picture of a baby giraffe and she's asking where his mama is. Me: "I think it's standing close by", Nadia: "She's cooking his dinner."

On saying our goodbyes at kindergarten Nadia is asking me to buy her a Minnie Mouse bracelet on my way home: "I'm pretty sure I was good."

Me: "Do you want to go to the bathroom?"

Nadia: "No, I am being careful."

I'm peeling potatoes for dinner saying: "I'm taking this potato's clothes off."

Nadia: "Is he going to be loved?" (I guess when the clothes are off, it must be love ;)

This is carer's entry in Nadia's kindergarten files: "Nadia loved showing everyone her windmill. She said it goes to bed with her."

While talking to grandparents on the phone and getting excited at some surprises they prepared for Nadia this summer I said she needed to be a good girl when we see them.
Nadia with a serious face: "I am a good girl. I was giving you a medicine." (when I was suffering from recent tonsillitis she was handing me a bottle of mouthwash each time I needed it).

Nadia was talking about her two cousins and the older one that is strong enough to lift his brother. "I'm not strong because I am a princess."

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Top: Debenhams, Cardigan: River Island, Trousers, Shopper: H&M, Sneakers: George

Habits are like freckles or broken veins. They don’t surprise, may annoy at times. Our relationship with them is even closer than with our partners, children or friends and like in any relationship we have to give in order to get. Good habits reward us for giving but bad ones get as much as they need leaving us with nothing but frustration and low self-esteem. They are predictable, we know what they offer and at what price. To change a bad habit into a god sent is frightening, just like anything done for the first time. At this stage it requires giving even more than surrendering to well known bad guy. I know from experience how bittersweet bad habit can make me feel. I have embraced mine to the point of suffocating from its needing overpowering nature.

I had one of those late conversations with my husband when we were lying in bed and despite being terribly sleepy, there was still time for a cuddle and rushing those grey cells before falling into unconsciousness. I value his opinions because he’s the string to my kite and a brake to my engine. So I asked him if one can drastically change herself and never go back to previous hardly beaten habits (while not being naturally self-disciplined and driven). Can we change roles and still succeed? He was skeptical because no matter how much one is able to bury the true self - it remains as a murky passenger on the rear seat of one’s car so no matter what direction it is going, you still catch a glimpse of it in the reflexed mirror. It’s said it takes 21 days to break a habit, 21 consecutive days, no cheating, playing up. I smiled. So it is manageable. This brings me to a challenge I've filled my mind with a little while ago. A total change, a step by step new routine. Meat as food could vanish and I wouldn’t care. The only meat I put into my mouth is an occasional chicken and fish (salmon, cod, sardines), I don’t eat red meat, sea food at all. I drink cow’s milk but I prefer soya milk and yoghurt more and curiously look at the supermarket’s shelf for rice or almond milk (since I love almonds, it must be delicious). Cheese is my big addiction but again I’m not a huge and regular eater and tofu tastes fantastic so I guess transferring to veganism would not break me in half. I’m more than ready to apply changes in my diet - starting off with reading ingredient list on packages, choosing organic, limiting sugars, processed food. The whole idea of researching is to live a conscious life and being responsible for the health faults, general mood and impact on environment one has. Food choices, lifestyle determine the quality of life itself and its ending which I’m particularly focused on. I think it’s never too late to ditch old habits and stick to new routines. I just need to say to myself: “If you want cheese, etc. you can have it. This doesn’t have to be forever. No cheese today. Tomorrow we’ll discuss it again”.

Hi friends! Thrilled to team up with Firmoo for a giveaway just in time for summer vacation! For a chance to win follow the link below and you can win a voucher worth $30 to use on selected spring frames. Five lucky winners will be chosen at random on Friday (so you have a week to enter) and contacted privately. Good luck and have a blast of a weekend!! x

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Looking at the amount of drawings and paintings collected over time it feels like we spend time doing nothing else than draw and paint around here which is mostly true. And such pleasurable activity if things don't get glued to surfaces that shouldn't get decorated homemade-style. It lifts my spirits knowing a plain sheet of paper gives Nadia more options that Lego bricks or Barbie's closet can (and those as you know don't fail to entertain). Most recent artwork gets hung impressively on the fridge or the side of the wardrobe in her bedroom and each and every sheet has been a loved addition to the growing pile. We kept it in a colourful folder so when the time came to make the treasured possessions more accessible, Nadia couldn't contain her excitement seeing her work once again. She could easily recall the creatures captured in ink and I loved catching up with the princesses phrase and just recently - dogs wearing crowns phrase. We made a decision to put it all in a book - choose the contents lovingly, bind it professionally and cherish eternally. It was more than fun and as long as Nadia's creativity thrives, I'm all in.

There are lots of different ways to create lasting impression as a customer. The trick here is to be friends with the shop owner or vary unusual requests.

And that's material for another book, we know we'll be there soon ;)

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