║today my way║: April 2016

Right now the amount of things to do that I have envisioned in their physical form is simply overwhelming. Every aspect of our lives has been repeatedly revised and placed next to several different versions of a final, satisfied result. It has been tiring as it's been exciting. Right now the amount of decisions needing a solid, undivided attention varies from ten to hundred on any given day with my mind shifting between them willingly. But the true satisfaction is yet to achieve. You find me in my last trimester, the least energetic in body movements yet buzzing with ideas and celebrating the arrival of our son way ahead of time touching newborn clothes and softly polished wood of first toys. Forever my favourite part.

Our small shoe-box flat is not ready for his arrival, at least in my opinion that differs from my husband's but this feeling has been widely known as nesting instinct and I'm holding strong onto this term with unmanicured hands. Expecting through spring makes me overthink seriously everything that needs to be ready in coming weeks and not being able to resist the changes, the challenge seems too great to handle. This is something that no longer annoys me, planning instead of rolling sleeves and getting jobs done has to be considered as there must always be a good deal of organizational and researching tasks. It will if it becomes a routine but the time left to the big day pushes us without our will and I have faith it'll all be ready soon.

There is a long list of things to tackle, thanks to my ambitious pregnant self in nesting mode. As the walls will not stretch miraculously giving us more space for furniture of a new purpose, a great time of research, studying and walking around the flat with a blank piece of paper consumed good part of the second trimester. On paper it looked as if I would not want to go out anymore, in reality I needed to be creative in finding things quietly dealing with finances and energy needed for it all. Simply said, thrifting, revamping, replacing and finding new purpose for things will take us there in weeks to come. Because this project definitely has a deadline yet if not tackled completely, I'm hopeful and ready to add or take away as the time progresses between feeds and evident routine changes. It's something if only partially finished -- can still make my heart flutter as home projects are never finished as such. Long term projects are therapeutic for me and if I can focus enough, miracles happen.

The magnolia walls sprinkled in gray damp marks and us have so much catching up to do you wouldn't believe. But the future is promising, I have found an organic company dedicated to removing signs of neglect causing all sorts of water condensation problems. Once this aspect has been covered, I want to jump into the arms of something unusual and never experienced under our roof before - among variations of wall paint colours I have been gravitating irrationally towards the dark bold side (thank you, Abigail!). There are so many different dark colours out there my mission may never be accomplished. Starting from gray, mocha and progressing into chocolate, taupe or even dark olive is the way I'm heading. Our flat is luckily a very bright place with sun hitting the walls since early morning on a great day until late evening when the summer rolls around. Neutral has seemed the best answer to this amount of light and sunny reflections on things we've had unintentionally, today in my nesting, waddling mode this no longer is an option.

And as I'm guessing your question, yes we are renting so why bother? Why going through samples of colours, comparing prices and scheduling dry weather days for all of this? The best answer I can come up with is just telling you I always strive to be different. Not just for the sake of it, or because of defiance or stubbornness but this is something that has always grown in my heart, made me excited and pushed to do things my own way (hence the title of the blog, I suppose?). Whatever sparks an idea in my head has to go through a filter called 'how different and unique am I going to make it?' (filter still in patent pending mode). It happens with every single thing from breakfast, dressing up to interior design. I lack skills in many departments and that's OK but my unique skill in spicing things up is held intact: walking paths less travelled by, creating rather than buying to match our needs and inspire others'. It is me. I could maybe tell you I was compared to others a lot in my early childhood and teenage years always looking less desirable, behaving less appropriate and generally not being enough to match their accomplishments of sorts. It saddened me back then, alienated from my peers, today it's just a weakness of mine, a trait engraved in tears and short breath -- striving to be my own, go my own way, do my own thing in all the aspects that make life possible. Intentionally. Also because I'm tired of falling asleep to a ceiling covered in grey dots, marks and stains no matter how gray colour is close to my heart.

Many of it is a custom project requiring rolling of sleeves and sweating a ton but I'm eager to start, look for solutions with our own hands and pieces already in our possession.

This blog is also on my mind often in terms of revamping, giving you more insight in our day-to-day lives with some in-depth conversations sweeping a little those barely touching the surface of the subject articles and tutorials of sorts. Back in September when I found out I was expecting, the tiredness, the overwhelming feeling of life changing its course abruptly (pregnancy hormones causing a stir for sure) - the so called important and desired outcomes, the principles of life hit the floor with a bang. I haven't blogged for four months, I found internet or just sitting upright in front of a monitor annoyingly robbing me off of precious time, energy and mental clarity. I had thoughts of deleting the space once and for good, I grown tired of too many options and price ranges and simply reading about the same thing seasoned with only different words and filters left me dissatisfied. As a blogger I became frustrated by so many spaces focused on consuming and spending, on living life attached to clever but irritating devices. I needed a break. As you see I have come back, still haven't found a perfect way of expressing my new-found desire for simplicity and thoughtfulness, still in re-discovering myself mode but this is what I'm contemplating day and night these days. With a growing child by my side and another almost in my arms this subject like any other happens to keep me pulling rarely touched up hair at night.

Back to interiors... it all shifts and merges, circles around each other and I'm hoping getting through these absolutely manic six weeks will prove my good intentions to be completed at the right time in our lives. With all of that said, I'm definitely not done with the topic of simplicity and attentiveness. I'm at the starting point of turning our lives into a better, more ethical existence while being busier and intimidated than ever. But somehow the more things I juggle, the happier I feel and days are considered a small but continuous success. I'd love you to be a part of it. x

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As for the pictures in this post, yes! you guessed it - we're finally in the 'rolling of sleeves and getting things done' mode at the moment. Rest is not an option when we're in the middle of moving things around and being unable to find a simple object. Among the tiring parts, this whole painting walls and moving furniture game seems to be a great fun for Nadia asking to help with everything and anything. I oblige immediately before she changes her mind, extra pair of helping hands is impossible to avoid right now ;) And after she's done, she's back to what's such a big staple in her life - holding a pen and creating magic with it. She did just so while Damian was sweating with the first coat of a chocolate chip paint. The colour didn't last long, we covered it with a lighter shade eventually letting it stay on two walls only. Dark is nice but it needs some getting used to. Stay tuned, I'll be posting more about how everything turned out, soon a little boy may be in the picture too ;)

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