║today my way║: mama-daughter

^^ Yes, that fringe sporting muffin is myself truly at the age of six. ^^

From early on getting to know that little pea growing too well inside me, picturing those chubby cheeks reflecting no one else's traits but ours mattered more than much. Funnily enough there is a ton of fab features for her genes to choose from yet they were unable to have a grasp at what's connected to my side of this anatomical business. From minute one to a couple of months ago (with image above being a certain proof) I felt me and Nadia were mistakenly linked by the joke-loving genetics and no two features we shared accordingly. The fabulous thing about her looks is she's taken what could be the best to inherit from her father - full bottom lip, perfectly shaped button of a nose, thick and manageable curly hair, deepest shade of blue in her pupils. Not one freckle spotted, no auburn in her locks discussed, growth spurt way too quick as for my toddler days.

Anyways we were gathered here not to debate the differences (of which there are many) but we're here to spot the similarities anyone could do taking one step away from the screen. I was throwing some summer photos into the mounting mix of stored images when our resemblance hit me just right only lighter around the neck. The way she squints her eyes while smiling, turns her head a little to the right exposing the left side were my answers in searching for genes working hard under my languid eyes. It's rather lovely to get a feeling of squishy contentment at familiar features that are not the easiest to get hold of and that you connect to emotionally and watch them in intriguing gasps as they evolve. Now the list of similarities can get as ostentatious as celebrity's pad and I don't mean it in a bad way (at least this time) - from the slim frame and tiny bone structure to the shape of our eyes and ears she is mine turning my traits from ordinary to extraordinary. Every day there is more to link, recognize, admire. x

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I'm feeling especially cuddly today, irritatingly kiss hunting and back tickling. A little lazy, a little emotional. She obeys and all sorts of funny sounds are flying out of her mouth as we're playing hide and seek to finish off on the unmade bed pretending we've just survived the aliens attack. It is a huge responsibility to be raising a girl, such pleasure and fun. Seeing her lashes curl and hair growing longer, living in her twirliest stage. As a big girl she dresses herself, takes the yoghurt out of the fridge, opens it and eats it nicely at the table, sometimes however she chooses to be fragile and not wanting to be seen outside my arms which I commit my whole energy to because this will not be, this will not last.

What will she be like when she grows up to be like tall and beautiful and all? I have to tell you I used to let myself get carried away in those grand ideas of future moments with my growing up babe until I've realized nothing of what's after tomorrow really matters. It does in a way but won't be more important than today, mostly doing nothing much in particular but being together. 47 months this very minute of am/pm moments of her presence. It cannot be much through those years I will not see her or be able to put my arms around her slender body. I did learn a few things while deciding on getting pregnant again, most of all from here on I will try to see our future optimistically and welcome its occurrences with understanding and acceptance. It really is the most ridiculous thing to be killing yourself with thoughts on how to tie your flesh and bones to yourself while there will be other things on her mind. She might want to take me out on a shopping spree the dreariest day while watching the pavement slowly disappear under a thick dusting of snow or spend the last coin to say hello from the other side of the spinning globe. How do I know? Because I love her with all my being. That's how I know.

Four years old in a month. Chubby cheeks, big blue eyes overtaking the face and a shag of curly blonde locks are sitting on my desk as photographic reminder of pretty slender girlie face they have transformed into. She was always taller than average child her age, now when I see her climbing on the sofa or curling on the floor, her legs seem to have no end. Expressions on her face have changed too – they always carry a meaning, an explanation, a cue. Hands and fingers are able to perform tasks not so long ago they wouldn’t manage without help. It is truly wonderful how she becomes more and more fascinating to us each day yet still that dear little baby makes appearance on many occasions and cuddles, mama’s helping hands are more than welcome.

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