║today my way║: random thoughts

Going out is fun and addictive, I don't think you ever really stop. So here's my situation. Before going out the last thing your best-going-out pants have on their stretchy mind is to eat. Even if you are going to have a small portion. Eaten in a jiffy. Because chips from down the road will speed up the getting ready process but really how many is enough? On a big night... I’d say it’s different for each design. You’ll always eat with confidence, denim or not, textural or safe, most especially if you’re not into collecting phone numbers. Everything will be forgiven after midnight.

Dress on a night out always spoke to me loud. They feel feminine, catch all the dizzy eyes, sometimes they’re just all that you need on. Trousers on the other hand... Could they happen and work? Even if my inner sex bomb protested, the outside conditions were saying otherwise. It’s freezing and I’m working the next day so no, I don’t really fancy coming down with something already fought two weeks ago. So denim jeans and long-sleeved chiffon top were put together. And it felt right. My new very favourite outfit was painlessly conceived. But that’s not the end of your favourite story. I don’t really specialize in moves on the dancefloor without frilly fabric dancing with me. What one does with hands, how one handles that nothing blows up? The thought was terribly unsatisfying. Until I realized you basically do it the same. If you want to. Move is a move, hip shake still a cute option to get everyone talking, no point feeling less special living the dream in pants. I’ll keep it in mind next time I make such dramatic choice.

When you hear ‘Black and white’ by Michael Jackson in the club you thank your mum and dad for getting together just so you always recognize this song. Way cooler when you’re mostly surrounded by folk half your age available for a spin. What more could you need? And it’s not even three in the morning. Also a bit of Elvis will never let you down.

Is it just me or it is a classic move to try fellow dancer’s hat on for extra bit of a situation? I’ll let you not to answer. Cause it might be just me. Or the Elvis. Or both.

So you go partying. And forget the door key. And this time you’re not going wild as you would after grocery shopping. Nostalgic, that’s how it feels. Cause this is the feeling we all know and recognize. Pause for a minute and start texting and calling. Banging helps too. x

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^^ Yes, that fringe sporting muffin is myself truly at the age of six. ^^

From early on getting to know that little pea growing too well inside me, picturing those chubby cheeks reflecting no one else's traits but ours mattered more than much. Funnily enough there is a ton of fab features for her genes to choose from yet they were unable to have a grasp at what's connected to my side of this anatomical business. From minute one to a couple of months ago (with image above being a certain proof) I felt me and Nadia were mistakenly linked by the joke-loving genetics and no two features we shared accordingly. The fabulous thing about her looks is she's taken what could be the best to inherit from her father - full bottom lip, perfectly shaped button of a nose, thick and manageable curly hair, deepest shade of blue in her pupils. Not one freckle spotted, no auburn in her locks discussed, growth spurt way too quick as for my toddler days.

Anyways we were gathered here not to debate the differences (of which there are many) but we're here to spot the similarities anyone could do taking one step away from the screen. I was throwing some summer photos into the mounting mix of stored images when our resemblance hit me just right only lighter around the neck. The way she squints her eyes while smiling, turns her head a little to the right exposing the left side were my answers in searching for genes working hard under my languid eyes. It's rather lovely to get a feeling of squishy contentment at familiar features that are not the easiest to get hold of and that you connect to emotionally and watch them in intriguing gasps as they evolve. Now the list of similarities can get as ostentatious as celebrity's pad and I don't mean it in a bad way (at least this time) - from the slim frame and tiny bone structure to the shape of our eyes and ears she is mine turning my traits from ordinary to extraordinary. Every day there is more to link, recognize, admire. x

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Pet lunch box: IKEA

At twelve forty we marched through the colourful corridor positively demonstrating collection of backpacks and pairs of shoes that would inspire any kid store surprising me with a school ready child. The one that cried her eye lashes out and refused joining tuneless activities in person. The very lonesome one mildly entertained by the company of Disney toys at the only table by the crafty wall. By the second afternoon she seemed to be adjusting so well the transition from all day at home to a half day at school has definitely had no effect on her. As it had on me. See that collection of jeans? You guessed it, it's me sitting on the bench twenty steps away from the kindergarten waiting impatiently to call Nadia any minute to check how she's doing instead of walking away and enjoying the sunshine on my very own! Or head home and clean the flat top to bottom even if it's not gonna last. The possibilities were endless and time on my side.

So I sat there checking all the important websites and what my friends were doing, sending text messages and staring aimlessly at the hotel behind me and people parking their cars, walking their dogs and spitting on the curbs (incredibly amusing) but it haven't occurred to me to get up and stop occupying the public space. On the second day I had a granola yoghurt on that bench. So glad I moved away for good before engaging in more relaxed activities but I'm still figuring out who's taken my space and if I should bring him lemonade to keep him refreshed in those last hot days. Back to school. We are still completing a lot of things (placing name tags on all surfaces imaginable because it's mandatory. And mostly fun.), planning lunches with our favourite products, looking through pages upon pages of autumn clothes although Nadia isn't really in desperate need of cooler weather clothes. Maybe a pair of sneakers. And plain leggins. So hello kindergarten, hello autumn, hello looking after yourself big girl. I can see you carrying your blue backpack on your big day trying to memorize every passing moment so I can never lose it from view. I'm proud you're doing so well that sharing your sweet presence is becoming bearable. And it's your birthday soon and we can't wait.

^^ Happily catching up on our favourite cartoons. We're excited for school but still cherish our time together. I hope it will never change.^^

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ASSUMING THERE WILL BE MEMORIES WE WANT TO REMEMBER

It's cool to be a woman. Adventurous, focused on herself and others, independent. Believing in herself no matter what. It's cool to be a grown woman. Able to understand, give affection and attention or show the door when needed. It's also cool to be a woman in love with a man who is a total support whatever his woman sets her eyes on (thank you, Dee!).

It's cool to be a friend - let it be your spouse, relative, stranger. I tried steering away from mentioning some e-mail conversations I had with my close cousin-become-friend for the past weeks (my head is spinning from recent challenges!) but it did have had an impact on me even though I didn't want to live through them. I am the last one to hold grudges against anything (eight leg creatures excluded) or dwell on the past so big was my surprise how many accusations she displayed. I still can't take my head around this and although I strongly believe in talking about what you're not happy about it is obvious the only way to seemingly and temporarily for her to feel better is to put me down. I fear arguing but silence and ignorance after expressing readiness for 'making it work' makes this whole situation bittersweet. Sometimes friendship starts with a bang, sometimes it's how it ends. I'd like to stay on the brighter, hopeful side that we will laugh just like before (that just means a lot more catching up to do later ;).

Also my brother has flown back to Poland weeks ago and I had plenty of time to reflect over the events of last month. Starting anew can be a little intimidating but I am sure he will do just fine while secretly wishing he will be back to the UK just in a couple of weeks after I make some phone calls and tirelessly flip through endless newspaper adverts. Amidst all the emotions my brother brought to our walls I've always focused on the positive side of events encouraging productivity and fun. Some days were tense, other were plentiful in hope and excitement so we had more reasons to continue with knocking on office doors and simply took every day as it came. For the first tearful hour after he'd been gone I felt I disappointed him entirely, maybe not with the lack of effort but by arousing an unnecessary hope he came to revise. He's not one of those men that eat you alive but we were working on that part. It got better every day. As usual, some steps backwards but still more forward. Results will come, I’m sure.

As a result of this low mood lately I have been embracing our family quality time even more - remembering that Nadia is going to the nursery this September I will hold her for as long as I can or at least until her squished cheeks cannot tolerate it anymore. It's okay to feel blue sometimes and content the day after.

Hope you're having a great week! x

This bloggy lacks updates as my father-in-law his hair. We've been pretty busy, lazy, sun-blind, rain-soaked, you name it and I'll check if we've been there. Our poor souls came to life on a day on the beach soaking up the UVA and UVB's rays. In my case they stopped just above the neckline and below the sleeve line, my friend allowed them to take her with both hands. I expressed my deep wish of happily replacing the sandy heat for a page turning while occupying cooling shade of a wild garden, she didn't mind resuming roasting alive. Some people are worth my crows feet so we stayed, ate chicken sandwich, sat by the fountain discussing upcoming birthday party.

P.S. When sun eventually makes its way onto the scene I'm happy for all the escapades we'll be making, fruit we'll invite to the table but after just a brief sit in the dazzling sun I get killer migraine, lose vision around the fifth minute and burn like mandolin in flames. I may exaggerate a bit but here I am, smooth, pale and all fine.

Last Friday we shopped bottoms of our purses off - started with little gifts for the family and went all the way ignoring anatomy of a man having two hands only to carry that stuff home. Banned from online shopping? Fine, I get to lay my hands on a cash machine. And believe me or not - I have performed that shopping spree twice within one week so I have enough shoes, roll-ons, nail polish until Doom's Day. And onto the party! Best food, best company to ever wish for. Happy birthday to one awesome girl turning 30 - count me in for every bash you're going to throw. I'll come invited or not. And yesterday you talked about our personal style and expressed your view we both dress in rather age adequate manner, but I have to make a confession: I'm still on a mission to wear shorts and wedges, button down a bit and enhance behind with a tighter number. Are you still going to go into town with me dressed like this?

Be sure and check back what we are up to milliseconds before flying to the mainland! And have a blast of a weekend!

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